Unsaid Words Are The Most Painful
by SP12122015
Summary: Sort of Based off of two other stories out here on fanfiction, but different ending and different plot overall. Multi-chap about Steve and Natasha's complex and unexplained relationship throughout the Marvel Universe. Please R&R. Post AoU, the points of view are spaced out between characters.
1. I'm Leaving

**Hello fellow readers and writers. I wrote this story kind of as a response to other stories that are out there. There are definitely two stories by two different authors that inspired this first chapter in pretty much every way possible. Please do not take it as me stealing their story because that's not what I intended to do, rather I was so moved that I wanted to write one of my own in a little different fashion. Please R &R, oh and marvel owns everything... **

* * *

She had chosen Banner, and he had helped them get together, he had pushed Banner to take this chance, the chance that he had clearly missed. Despite everything Banner had done to her, she was still off limits. Banner was a friend right? He couldn't move in on Natasha while he was gone, right?

Steve tried whenever possible, between training the new avengers, to help her, comfort her. She was stoic at times, a hard shell, and she pushed him away. He was there, with a warm shoulder, when she just needed to stare out the window and cry. He still wanted her desperately. Yes that was selfish, but it was the whole truth. Ever since the fall of Shield fiasco a little over a year ago, he felt something more for the redhead spy. Of course immediately when we met her he was attracted to her, what guy wasn't? But now it wasn't just a physical attraction it was more than that. He loved her, and he had been dancing around his feelings for her.

In the graveyard he wanted to say 'stay'. The words were caught in his throat and he didn't utter them in time. He respected her need for space, so she could figure out who she was. He knew who she was: a strong, independent, beautiful, loyal, attractive, intelligent woman, but most importantly a hero, not a monster. He could have told her all of that, but what are the chances she would have believed him. She just needed to find that all out on her own first.

When they met again a year later to help hunt down hydra and the scepter, he couldn't help but marvel at her beauty. But he was also observant to her clear attraction to Banner. He saw the way she flirted with him. He couldn't destroy her happiness, when that's all he wanted. Of course he wanted to be the cause of her happiness, the man of her affection, but he wouldn't destroy it. Seeing that he missed his chance, he pushed Banner to not miss his.

Steve distanced himself from her; it was the only way to remain a coworker without bursting at the seams. 'Romanoff' became the only way for his fragile heart to address her. He didn't continue his lingering glances, he didn't constantly give her his charming smile, only soft nods of acknowledgement.

Nat knew. She could sense Steve being distant. He didn't look at her the same way, like he did a year ago. His glow seemingly faded when he looked at her. He looked aged, pale, and exhausted. He kept up their friendly relationship as coworkers, but nothing more. Their conversations never went beyond 'what's today's training plan' and 'that was a day, they still need work'. He never called her Nat or Tasha or Natasha, just Romanoff or Black Widow or Widow. She missed one of her best friends in the entire world besides Clint. It felt like that year apart wiped away any connection or shared bonds. Oh god how she missed him and his radiance.

After everything with Ultron, Banner disappeared. He broke her heart; that she easily handed over to him. She thought that they had something. They both were afraid of the monsters that they could easily become. They bonded over that and they had all of these intimate moments together. She shared memories and feelings with him that neither Steve nor Clint had been privy to. She begged him to come back, and all for naught.

She shut off her emotions to the outside world. But there were times when she couldn't hold it in anymore. She just needed to cry to let out the hurt that she constantly tried burying. Steve, Steve was always there in a purely leadership capacity. He saw her hurt and need, and he was there with a shoulder for her to cry on. He, like the other team members, stopped asking her questions and trying to comfort her, they gave her the space she requested.

* * *

Then Banner came knocking one day. He showed up at the new Avengers facility one day. She tried not to rush back into his arms and forgo any resolve she had built up. But it was all for naught. It took one long look and his rambling apology to cause an eruption of emotions, a flood, to wash over her. She collapsed into his arms. Over the days they rekindled what they had and started to repair their romantic and platonic relationship.

It was late Sunday evening, when Cap was just standing there in the empty room overlooking the forest edge and sunset with ceiling high windows. Sunday's were off days. They didn't train, they just relaxed and kept to themselves. Cap ran through his regular work out: a morning run, a few punching bags, a little target training, a cold long shower and planning for the week to come, then hours of reflection.

He was standing there in his blue button down shirt and black dress pants watching the sun set. He was currently reflecting on the past week. Bruce had come home last Sunday. In what seemed like hours, Nat had seemed to fall right back into Bruce's arms. He kept on watching from a distance. The light in Nat's eyes seemed to return and she started to talk and laugh and smile again. He wanted to be the one that caused it, and he thought he was making progress, but it was slower than expected.

Tony walked into the room, he was officially retired, but we all know he misses us too much to not stop in and have a chat every now and then. "Capsicle what up?"

"Stark."

"Oh come on Grandpa, I know its sundown but don't be such a sourpuss."

"Stark, seriously I am not in the mood." Suddenly Tony could sense that something was deeply wrong with the Captain. He walked up next to Cap and followed his line of site. He knew now. Banner was back and he was in the middle of a romantic moment with Natasha in the open field that the room over looked.

"Steve?"

"Stark."

"Hey buddy, come on its okay." He was seriously caught in the middle here. He grew up hearing stories of how selfless Steve was, how he gave up the chance to be with the one woman he loved for the sake of millions of innocent people. He knew Steve's story as well as Coulson, and that's saying something. Tony could see the pain in his eyes as Steve continued to look over the moment the two were sharing. At the same time, Bruce was one of his best friends, his science bro; he was elated that Bruce had found someone after the whole Betty accident.

"Tony don't, you couldn't possibly know what's running through my mind." He half mutter 'and heart'

"Steve I know, I get it."

"NO Stark you don't get it. You couldn't possibly get it, because you have Pepper, you never left behind the woman you loved and woke up in another century only to have you heart stolen and crushed by another breath-taking woman."

"Steve relax…I know its hard, but please calm down." Steve stepped back from the billionaire, suddenly very aware of what he had blurted out.

"I have to let her go, don't I?"

"If that's what you feel is right, but you could fight for her."

"I couldn't do that to a friend, to Bruce."

"Sometimes these things happen Rogers, and you have to be selfish, to fill your own desires and needs which are as important as saving millions of people."

"It's not who I am." They sat there in silence for a little while, just staring out at the sky as the sunset finished, and the building floodlights along the perimeter began to light their view.

"Sometimes we act out of character for love."

"I can't do that to her. She's happy and that's all I have ever wanted for her Tony. I have to leave, I can't stay here."

"Steve do you think that's the best choice? You are one of her best friends, you would crush her if you up and left."

"I am stopping them from being the couple they deserve to be. It would be a gift for them. She will have a new confidant, she'll get over me quickly with Bruce at her side."

"Cap I'm not going to stop you, if you seriously think this is the best choice."

"Thank you Tony for respecting my choice."

"Just here, take this little watch. It has a panic button right there. Press it and we will come save you. After all we were a team right?"

"Thanks Tony." That was the closet they were coming to 'I am going to miss you buddy' type of goodbye. Steve had made his peace mentally. He reached down to the side pocket of his bag. He pulled out an envelope with the words 'To Tony' written on it.

"Stark this is for you, I was going to have James give it to you, but since you're here."

"I guess this is goodbye then, huh Cap?"

"Yeah it is. I'll still come when you need help saving the world." They shook hands and Steve walked to the door towards to the living quarters.

* * *

He went room by room and left a letter for all of the new avengers. He left notes about training, and how he has bonded with them over their short time together. He wished all of them luck, and wrote about the full confidence he had in them with protecting the earth. When it came to Sam, he knocked on the door to talk to him.

"Sam?"

"Hey Steve, what's up?"

"I'm leaving Sam, I just wanted to come talk to you for a bit."

"What do you mean your leaving?" Steve gave him a look and Sam knew. Bruce and Nat.

"I just wanted to give you the number to my burner, call it only if you really need me back, once you call me I am tossing the phone. Give the number to no one."

"Steve are you sure that this is the right thing to do?"

"Yeah Sam. I need to do some soul searching, get my head together, figure out parts of my life."

"Good luck Steve. I'll miss you."

"Yeah I'll miss you too Sam. Keeping forging on, alright don't let up."

"Promise." And just like that Steve was on his bike driving away from the facility. Fury and Hill knew he was leaving, and they knew that they couldn't stop him, so they let him go. They knew he would be back when they needed him, or times of need.

Steve knew better than to trust that Fury would outright let him disappear like that. At this first bar with a motorcycle gang, Steve stopped. He traded bikes with someone and dumped his bags and cleaned it out to make sure there were no trackers. Once certain he was clear of any tracers, Steve mounted his new bike and drove off into the dark of the night.

* * *

When the team, plus Tony and Bruce joined up for dinner, Natasha immediately noticed Steve's absence. She started wondering where he was. Tony and Sam played cover up as per the Cap's wish.

"Where's Steve? He should be here for dinner, and he almost never misses team meetings." Nat asked.

"He said he wasn't feeling well. I saw him earlier and he took food to his room for the night." Tony answered.

"Yeah I caught him as he entered his room a while ago. He wasn't looking so good; he looked really exhausted and beat. He asked us to not bother him until morning. I guess everyone needs their beauty sleep right?" Sam chimed in.

"Huh, doesn't seem like Steve. Are you sure he was alright?"

"Yeah." They both answered together. The team sat there eating in a comfortable silence.

The team made a few jokes here and there. Then they all made their ways to their separate chambers. When they all entered their rooms they all looked at the letters Steve had written them. Everyone had a letter except Natasha. Every time Steve tried to write her a letter, the words got caught in his throat and he had to restart. Steve gave up and decided it was best that she didn't know about his feelings and why he really left. Tony went to deliver the letter he had for Clint and Bruce. When he dropped off Bruce at his little motel an hour or so from the facility (the closest place to the avengers training grounds), he handed Bruce his letter. Tony went home that night feeling extremely defeated.


	2. He's Gone?

**Hey Guys, so direct continuation. I'll try to update Asap. Please R &R I'd Love to hear what you have to say, even if its negative. **

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As the early light of the morning began to filter in through the shades in Tony's room, he got up. He took one of his Iron man Suits and flew out to Clint's farmhouse. When he arrived it was 7:30 in the morning and Clint was out on his porch sipping his coffee.

"Stark?"

"Hey Barton." Tony greeted as he took off his armor.

"What happened? Is everything all right? Did something happen to Natasha?"

"Calm down Barton and keep your pants on. It's a long story."

"I'll get you a cup of coffee, sit down and start explaining." A short while later, after Tony had explained to Clint everything, Clint sighed.

"So Banners been back for a week now?"

"Yeah."

"And they are back together now?"

"Yup."

"That must of crushed Steve. I could always sense that he was more than just friendly with Nat, that there was something more there, at least on his end."

"Yeah, he was really broken last night when this all happened."

"So that's it, he left?"

"Yeah. He drove off, a little after sunset."

"Wow. Does Nat know?"

"That he's gone, by now I am not sure. They start training soon."

"Jesus, she's going to be a mess."

"I tried to get Steve to see that, but he wouldn't hear any of it. He was so heartbroken Clint. I almost shed a tear or two for him and the predicament he was in."

"Well all hell's going to break out soon, once Nat finds out."

"What's worse is that everyone except Nat knows."

"What do you mean?"

"Well I was with Steve when he decided to leave, by chance, I am sure he told Sam something, and he wrote letters to all of the avengers except Nat. He told me so when he handed me my letter and one for you. That's why I came out here today, to give you your letter."

"Oh god. This is a huge mess."

"You're telling me. I'm the one who lied to her at the dinner table and told her that Steve had only turned it in early for the day."

"For Christ sake."

"I know." Clint sat there and read over his letter from Steve twice, before finally putting it down.

"He loves her so much. It's a shame that he never acted on those feelings. What I just don't get is why didn't Nat say anything to him, I mean the guy pretty much wears his heart on his sleeve."

"I know it's a mess Clint, but she was just getting better, and this is going to kill her."

"I mean no offense to anyone, but in reality, do you really think there is a chance for her and Banner? Be straight with me Stark."

"I…I really don't think so. Banner has been in love with that girl Betty his whole life. I just don't think its over for him. I think this started out as co-workers bonding and comforting each other, and then it got blown out of proportion. Banner just caught in the wind of having attention, and Nat is dying for a logical relationship."

"I know Banner cares for her Stark, but I don't think it is in a long term romantic way, not the way that Nat thinks it is. I really don't think she loves him. I really think that whatever happened with Steve in D.C. scared her and now she fighting it by picking a relationship that she knows is doomed, that she can control."

Stark left after a few more comments. He cared for Banner, but the truth was that he knew this was not a permanent thing for him. Banner certainly wasn't toying with Natasha, but he knew that in the long run Banner and Natasha, didn't want the same thing. This was huge mess and there was no going back. Steve entrusted Clint and Tony to take care of Natasha in his absence, he told them so in his letters. Tony was at a loss. Natasha was going to find out that Steve left for good soon, and she was going to find out that everyone except her got a goodbye letter from Steve.

* * *

As the day rolled by Nat kept feeling like everything was off balance. The new members were shaken by something and they certainly were not doing their best. Steve had been MIA all day. This sickness that he supposedly had but have been real bad for him to still be in bed, I mean he's a super solider for Christ Sake. She called practice short and they all went to the dinning hall for lunch. Afterwards for the afternoon training session, Nat organized target training. Steve was still a no show and now it was seriously worrying her. After the session was done she wondered over to Steve's room. Dinner was in a little while and now it had been almost a day without her seeing Steve. She knocked on his door.

"Steve?" No answer. Nat couldn't hear anything either.

"Hey Steve, how are you feeling?" Still nothing.

"Steve I'm coming in." Then she opened his door.

The room was a mess. Drawers were have opened or completely out of the dresser. His bed wasn't made and was cold to the touch. She walked over to his cabinet and his uniform and shield were missing. Oh god. Oh no. He can't be. No, no, no he wouldn't, not without.

Everything hit Natasha at once. The unspoken words, the unanswered lingering glances, the diminishing interactions. Steve was gone, he didn't say goodbye and he was gone without a trace. Everything washed over her and now tears were streaming down her face. Steve had left her, left behind a life he loved. What happened, why now, why without saying good-bye? Surely the others have yet to find out. What was she going to tell them?

* * *

"Avengers assemble for a team meeting now in the common room." She announced over the PA system. Slowly they all appeared before her at took their seats at the large table.

"Natasha?" Sam asked wearily.

"There is some news that I have to share with everyone. Captain Rogers has…Steve; he has left the facility indefinitely. I am your sole leader for now." Everyone nodded and then they dispersed. None of them knew what exactly to say anyway.

"Natasha?" Sam approached her after the meeting.

"Sam."

"Natasha, listen we all know how much it hurts, but he said good bye, he said that he's sorry. We have to give him his space and hope he returns sooner rather than later." She leaned onto the table and tucked her head in between her arms. She needed to be calm and everyone's rock, no matter how much she was hurting on the inside. Wait did he Steve said he's sorry. What? He left without saying anything. Right?

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you mean he said Good bye?"

"He came to see me before he left, he also gave all of us letters. Didn't you read yours? I mean we all found out last night, we knew he was gone this morning." She started processing what he had said. Letters, talked to him, but I didn't get one. Why Sam, why everyone but her?

"What! He talked to you and you let him leave? You let him walk out that door? Why didn't you stop him?" She was starting to raise her voice and now she was angry beyond all measures.

"Natasha, he was going with or without our blessings, by supporting him, we have at least maintained a level of trust and respect."

"We?"

"Tony and I." She lunged forward and started attacking Sam. This guy, this insolent person, let Steve, her confidant, best friend and coworker leave. They started battling and then she suddenly had the upper hand on him. She was pinning down Sam. Tony came in from the side in his armor and pulled her off of Sam.

"Sam get out of here now, tell no one what has happened and retire to your rooms for the night." Like that Sam was running out of the room.

"Natasha calm down." They were circling each other. She lunged at him. Tony blocked her move and then used his thrusters to grab her and pin her down. He cuffed her and left his knee on her chest.

"Tony let me go or god help me I will kill you."

"Natasha stop. Take a second and look at what you are doing."

"Stark!"

"Natasha, yes Steve's gone, yes I knew, yes Sam knew, yes everyone has known since this morning except you, but stop. Look at what you are doing. Do you think Steve would have wanted you to attack your team members like this?"

"I really don't know what he wanted since he said goodbye to everyone but me."

"Natasha stop this venomous path before you destroy your self." Her features softened for a second. Tony let her up. It was a mistake, as she started to yell and hit him again and again.

This little scramble continued for several hours. Tony just sat there and defended himself, waiting for her to work out her emotions so he could talk to her. She was not letting up. He finally just shot her with a knockout serum.

* * *

When she woke up the next morning, she thought it was all a dream, until she realized that she was not in her room, but in the common room, that her hands and legs were restrained.

"Tony let me out of these."

"Not until you hear us out." She saw Sam and Clint standing beside Tony now.

"Stark, Barton, Wilson, god help I will kill all of you let me out."

"No Natasha, not until you let up."

"All of you knew Steve left and no one stopped him and tried to prevent him from leaving. All of you let America's Hero, our teams' leader, just walk out that door. You are all to blame for the loss of Steve. If anything happens to him out there I will never forgive any of you. I will blame you." Stark was losing his calm; he was done with Nat's threats and finally broke.

"Don't you see Nat, you're the reason he left. He left because of you. He loved you and he left because it broke his heart to see you with Banner. He loved you and suffered in silence, he made the sacrifice play by leaving and forgoing his happiness for you. But you can't see that, because you are being too stubborn and you are too busy blaming us for not stopping him." His words hit her like a truck. Her features broke and now tears were streaming down her face. She zoned in and out and life seemed to melt away, nothing mattered.


	3. Are you Real?

**Hey Guys, so direct continuation. I'll try to update Asap. Please R &R I'd Love to hear what you have to say, even if its negative.**

* * *

He was there with her comforting her as she cried over her broken heart. He worked up the courage to finally tell her that he loved her. "Nat I can't stand seeing you like this."

"You called me Nat."

"What?"

"It's the first time since DC that you called me Nat."

"Nat. It's fitting." Natasha slightly chuckled at his remark. It was music to his ears.

"Steve?"

"Yeah."

"What am I missing? Or is it my past? Which one do you think drove Banner away? Served as a reason to reject me." Steve almost started crying at this. When would she learn that Banner was the ass that she was perfect in everyway that he loved her and would do anything for her? He was done waiting.

"Nat, you are perfect and Banner is a complete ass for leaving you like that. You should not feel upset because he up and left. There are hundreds of men that would take you in seconds and shower you with love and treat you like the goddess you are, if you would just let them." 'I would be one of them' he muttered. Her eyes lit up and he knew she had heard him.

"Steve would you really?"

"I have loved you for so long, since a little before DC. I just never found the courage to tell you and then when you left in the graveyard…I almost broke and ran after you. Then when we finally were all back together I saw you and Banner and I couldn't ruin that no matter what I felt. But now seeing how he mistreated you, I have just been dying on the inside."

"Steve please don't, I'm not good enough for you please, and I can't ruin you, the golden boy."

"No Nat. Stop you are perfect in every way, and I will have my way with you once you see that."

"Is that a promise?"

"Yes."

"Then fulfill it solider." And his lips were on hers within a second. It was sweet and light at first. Then their mutual desire and passion took over. "Steve I've been to scared to tell you." She said breathily after they broke apart for air. "I have been dancing around my feelings for you since DC, I…I love you Steve. You have broken through all of my layers, and made me feel alive again. I love you and I wanted to be with you after DC, but you didn't come after me. So I tried so hard to move on. But I couldn't because I love you and only you." That was all Steve needed. He stood up and picked her up in his arms. He leaned down and kissed her again and again. Their kisses grew in length, conveying more and more passion and desire. They slowly stood against a wall in the room. He lifted her up and she dutifully rapped her legs around his torso.

His lips moved to her jawline and down to her neck and collarbone. God he was showering her in love. He was no expert, he had neither practice nor any prior knowledge, but he was pleasing her in so many ways right now. "Room?" he whispered raggedly in her ear. This was a side of Steve she had never known, but was really pleased to have discovered. "Mine. It's the closest." And like that he held her upright and walked them back to her room. Never breaking their kiss she kicked the door closed behind them. He gracefully put her down on her bed and hovered above her. She pulled him down, and his weight felt right. Everything about this moment felt right. He pleased her that night over and over again until the early hours of the morning. She had deflowered the great Captain America, and he had stolen the Black widows heart.

She rolled over and was face to face with Steve. Her green eyes met his blue ones. "Morning Steve."

"Last night was a mistake Romanoff."

"What?" Her heart was breaking.

"You chose Banner and I have to accept that."

"No, Steve I choose you, please."

" You traded one avenger for another, you don't have me Romanoff, I'm gone and I'm not coming back. Its all your fault, you tossed me and my heart aside and now I'm gone. I left because of you Romanoff." Steve said it all very stoically and now she was in tears.

"No what about last night, and the love we shared and…"

"Last night never happened Romanoff, wake up it was a dream."

Natasha jumped awake. Oh god, it was all a dream. Steve was gone; he never said he loved her. Her dream turned nightmare was all too accurate. She did love him and Bruce was nothing more than a logical choice to avoid all that she felt for Steve. She was too late, and she drove him away. Oh god no. Steve…she broke into tears and curled up into herself. "Steve!" she cried out. Clint walked into her room and held her as she continued to cry. After several hours, she finally stopped and fell asleep again.

* * *

Steve was staring in the mirror of his little motel room. He inspected his face. He was sporting a full beard now. His super solider serum had caused him to grow a small beard everyday and if he didn't shave he had a full blown beard within two days. That's how long it had been since he had seen Natasha and the rest of the gang. He had dyed his hair dark brown. He was barely recognizable. He touched his lips and tried to call back the feeling of Natasha's soft lips against his. Sure it had been for no reason other than to ditch Rumlow and the other strike members, but he still couldn't help but wish it were for more. He loved her and she had chosen someone else, end of story.

He went to sleep that night and dreamed of her. She was sitting next to him again and he was done waiting. He pulled her face to his by lifting her chin up. He looked into her eyes getting lost and then he kissed her. When they broke apart he whispered those three words that hand been spinning inside of him for so long. And then she kissed him and said them back. Everything felt right in the world and he was happy. Then he woke up again. He missed her so much and leaving hurt as much as sitting there suffering in silence did.

* * *

 **So those stories I was referencing before that served as inspiration were Littlesass' _Doesn't Matter_ , and Sportsfan64's _Let Her Go._ Both are truly amazing and the first chapter is probably a little better than the first chapter I wrote, but I would like to formally give them credit, because their works brought me to tears and they deserve official recognition. You all should go check out their stories asap. Please R&R. **


	4. Reality Sinks In

**Hey Guys, so direct continuation. I'll try to update Asap. Please R &R I'd Love to hear what you have to say, even if its negative. **

* * *

Steve continued to move around the country never staying in one town for too long. He was stopped to get gas one day when he phone started to buzz. "Hello? Sam, what happened? Where are you guys?"

"Steve?" Oh god her voice sounded so angelic.

"Romanoff? How did you get this number?"

"Steve, please come home, come back to me please, and if not me, come back to the team they need you."

"Romanoff, I left to find myself and I still haven't, and until I do I'm not coming back. I made that very clear."

"Steve I love you, please I need you, I need to see you."

"Romanoff, tell Sam I'll figure out a way to pass on information about my new contact info. But this conversation is over."

"Please Steve don't hang up just yet. Steve I just need to hear your voice for a while longer."

"Romanoff. I have to go. I…I'm sorry for not saying goodbye to you."

"Steve, I love you please come home." And with that the line went dead.

* * *

He had been gone for close to ten months now. He was living a simple life working on farms here and there. Finally he found a place that he could call home. It was a ten-acre plot of land in upstate New York. He hand gone around the country twice and finally decided that this was his home. He bought the land in cash using all of his savings. There was a small run down little house on the land and a huge barn a small walk away. Yes he was close to the avengers facility, but it was still far enough that they wouldn't just stumble upon him.

He started to fix up the land. He went around the edge of the land and fixed up and built up the fences. He cleared what looked like an old farm patch and planted wheat. To the side he created a little apple tree orchid and garden. He expanded the house and really fixed the house making it more modern. He got a guy to come in and help with plumping and electricity. The house was perfect; the farm was in perfect shape. Everything seemed right, and everything was, except his heart. When he had talked to Romanoff he was trying to be stoic and he steeled himself against any emotion. But he faltered; he slipped when she said she loved him. In truth that's why in part he picked a place close to the avengers facility. A small part of him had hoped that somehow, someway, she would find him and they would live happily ever after. No matter how irrational it was, it was all he wanted.

* * *

Natasha had tried so desperately to move on from St…Steve. He had loved her and she was too stupid to allow him to love her, to stupid to say she loved him back. It had been weeks and he hadn't returned, hadn't made contact. She was a shell of her former self. She pushed Bruce away and he left again. She didn't love him, whom was she fooling when she tried to have a relationship with him. She loved Steve and it scared her to death, but it was the truth.

One day Sam came to her after the team meeting and he handed her a peace of paper with ten numbers on it. He said: "Call him and tell him the truth. Don't tell him how you got the number. Its best for everyone." She eyed Sam for several minutes before accepting the piece of paper. He started to walk away when she said: "Sam…Thank you." He nodded and left. He knew he had done the right thing, now it was her turn. She sat there for a day thinking about calling him, until she finally did. His voice was like a drug and she was desperately addicted to it. She told him the truth, she told him she loves him and needs him, and wants him home. He sounded so cold and it broke her heart. She pleaded for him to come home and then the line went dead. She broke into more tears and a heart-retching sob.

* * *

The days faded into weeks and the weeks faded into months. Now it had been ten long months since he had left her. She tried to move on but she couldn't just stop the feelings that she had for him. She held onto her feelings for him and tried to move on but she couldn't, not completely. She loved him and that was all she could think about. She continued to help train the new avengers team and lead them as needed. She did all that she could, given the circumstances. I mean two people who had super stamina and incredible strength, were beyond just her capabilities. Her team had seen the change in her mood and ability. She wasn't compromised but in a way she was. Her heart was never in it, but she was still affective and the best at what she did. She just didn't know what she was fighting for anymore. Steve had grounded her, had made her sure she was a good person, made her sure that she was fighting on the right side. Without him there she lost apart of herself and lost her sight on things.


	5. Is It Really You?

**Hey Guys, so direct continuation. I'll try to update Asap. Please R &R I'd Love to hear what you have to say, even if its negative. **

* * *

Nothing mattered: That was her mind set for the past few months. Today the team had got back from a long mission in Europe. They were tracking down random hydra stations and still shutting them down. They didn't need Steve to come and help them, the mission was quick, and before they knew it they were back home. It was the first mission that Natasha had done without Steve since the avengers had reassembled to fight Ultron. It felt weird fighting without him at her side. The mission messed with her head so much that she decided the only thing she could do was get drunk off her ass to drown the feelings she was experiencing. She walked into the town's tavern. It was a small little town just an hour or so from the facility. She could have gotten drunk there but then she would have to answer to everyone else. Here she could let loose and not worry about someone she knew judging her.

* * *

It was after several drinks and a few long hours that she got hit down. Guys had tried to hit on her and she denied their advances, finally it seemed to stop. Then she had the wind knocked out of her. She saw him. She was sure it was him. A man, the same height as Steve and with the same facial features as Steve, walked into the bar. This guy had the same brilliant blue eyes as Steve. Though he was slightly different. He had a full beard and dark brown hair. She didn't believe in a coincidence that was something Steve had taught her. Either this was Steve's doppelganger or this was her Steve, the man that she loved and wanted so desperately. The bar tender nodded at him and acknowledged him as Grant. He called back and ordered a scotch straight on the rocks. He sounded so like Steve. As he made his way to bar she couldn't tell if it was her broken heart or head that ached more. She found him without even trying and he didn't even see her.

* * *

Steve had had a long day on the farm planting and grooming the land. He needed a bit of an escape. He built a cover story in the town near by. He was 'Grant' an ex-military officer that was just trying to get back into a normal routine. Steve took a trip into town that night. He walked into the tavern and ordered his standard drink. Even though alcohol didn't affect him, he still relished in the small sting it provided as it slipped down his throat. As he approached the bar he saw her. Shit, this wasn't supposed to happen. She never went out and that's why he was always so comfortable coming into town and into this tavern. Oh god how he missed her. She looked so aged and defeated, he couldn't help but feel responsible. 'No, she broke your heart, there is no need for pity, not for her.' He scolded himself. He yearned for her touch, to run his calloused hands over her soft porcelain skin. He made eye contact with her. Oh shit no. She smiled at him and he knew she knew who he was. He picked up his drink and walked over to her, he couldn't run and hide now.

He was walking over to her. She ached more now and she knew it was her heart. She was excited and terrified at the same time. She was screaming inside and she wanted him so badly. He approached her and his arm snaked around her waist.

"I know you know who I am. Come with me." He whispered in her ear.

"Steve. I've missed you so much." He lead her to a small booth all the way in the back of the tavern.

"Romanoff."

"Steve." He sat there looking at her and his face softened slightly. They continued to drink in silence. He stood up and took her hand and pulled her to him. They stood impossibly close. They stared hard and long at each other. She was dying to hold him and kiss him and he was dying to do the same. He took a chance and wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her even closer in a tight hug. She slid her arms around the back of neck and rested her head against his broad chest. He tucked his head into the crevasse of her neck. His beard and breath tickled her neck. They stood like that lightly swaying to the faint music that filled the tavern.

"Steve, please come home, please come back to me." She was half whining as she said it. Her voice was so soft and soothing. He looked at her and their eyes locked again. He leaned down slightly and she leaned up on her tiptoes. Their lips met in a soft and sweet kiss. When they broke apart their eyes seemed over taken with lust and desire.

He led her out the back and to the local motel. He brought her to one of the rooms and as soon as the door was closed, they were all over each other. It was like her dream all over again. Except something about this grounded her and made her sure that this was real. As he pleased her she couldn't help but marvel at his muscles rippling above her with his every move. They spent the night taking control of the other. Throughout the night he whispered her name over and over again. It was a drug and she couldn't get her fill, after all he hadn't spoken to her in almost a year, and it had been 2 years since he called her anything other than 'Romanoff'. When they finally fell asleep she was tucked into his chest and his arms were wrapped around her waist.


	6. The Morning After

**Hey Guys, so direct continuation. I'll try to update Asap. Please R &R I'd Love to hear what you have to say, even if its negative. **

* * *

The early morning light filtered in through the blinds. Natasha became aware of the fact that this was not her room, or a room that she recognized for that mater. The sudden warmth surrounding her and the weight of something on her was all registered. Last night came flooding back to her. Oh god this was another nightmare, wasn't it? She started to whimper slightly. This woke up Steve within seconds. He sighed and tightened his grip on her lithe form. He took a deep breath inhaling her scent, the vanilla of her shampoo and body wash. He kept his arms around her. He knew that he shouldn't have allowed last night to happen but he couldn't help himself. She was so tempting and everything he desired. He could feel her shaking slightly and he became fully alert. He let her go slightly and turned her so that they were face to face. She was crying slightly.

"Nat? Nat what's wrong? Hey open your eyes please?" Nat had stopped shaking now and slowly she opened her eyes. Her hands traveled to his face, she was touching him as if trying to discern if he was real or just an imagination. At this he chuckled slightly.

"Nat, come on, I'm real and last night, well I hope that was real, and that I didn't just climb into bed naked with you. But then again even that would be pleasurable" She cracked a small smile. His hand was toying with the edge of the sheet that had encased her from her shoulders down.

"Rogers only you would joke like that after a night like that." She said playfully. The Nat he had known and loved, fell in love with and still loves was back. Her features were bright and he loved the way her hair was mussed from their activities last night. It was longer and straighter than he remembered.

"Nat, last night…it was probably one of the best nights of my entire life, and yet I can't help but feel that it was wrong, but a good wrong a really good wrong."

"Steve, what happened was an exchange between lovers, and we're not that." Her sentence was hanging between, burning through any grogginess that may have remained. "But I want nothing more than to be that. To be lovers with Steve Rogers the man that I love and can't live without."

"I…Nat, I have been in love with you for so long and I don't want to wake up from this dream ever. But I feel like its real life and to hear those words from your lips, oh it's sending me places."

"Good because I could use a reminder of what happened last night solider." Like that his lips were on hers again. He slanted his mouth over hers possessively while pulling her underneath him. "God Steve I love you, and I'm hopelessly in love with you." After a while they were both spent. He was trailing kisses along her shoulders and she just hummed in pleasure.

"Nat come back with me."

"What?"

"Come home with me."

"Isn't that a question you ask before you sleep with someone?"

"Yeah, but I am asking now since we never made it that far." She laughed slightly at their current state. They were lying together in a god-for-saken motel in a tiny little town in upstate New York; far from the luxuries they would be experiencing if they were at the Avengers Facility.

"Steve shouldn't I be the one that's asking you that. I mean you are the one who's not living with the rest of the avengers."

"I guess this is a two way question. I don't know if I'm really ready to come back to the team yet. But I want you; I want to be with you. So come home with me."

"Steve I can't just leave the team like that, no mater how much I want to. And trust me if this is what life could be like with you everyday, I would drop everything in a heart beat."

"I need you by my side Nat. After this past year, nothings changed, I still need you, I still want you and my heart is yearning for you."

"Steve it all sounds so romantic and I want to go with you but…"

"But nothing, just say yes."

"I have this week off, we are not training, we just got back from a mission and everyone is resting and healing, so I guess I mean, I could come for just a few days."

"That's that then."

"You know I never knew this romantic, controlling, demanding, lust seeking side of Steve before, but I am so happy that I found it, that it is mine to have."

"And I never knew this soft side of Natasha before and by god I am loving seeing it."

"Ugh, why do you have to ruin the moment Steve? Can't I just marvel about how amazingly good and mind blowing last night was, without you being so coy and ruining it?"

"Nope." He said popping the 'p'. "Guess I was that good huh? I've silenced Natasha Romanoff with my skills."

"Don't let it go to your head Captain." They sat there in a comfortable silence until Natasha asked him a question.

"So was that your first kiss, make out session, and first time pleasing a women? You don't have to answer that, but if you don't you kind of are."

"That was my first kiss since DC, and that was my first make out session, and yes that was my first time." He said it all begrudgingly. She loved the fact that she got Steve like that. "What was it that bad? Did I not measure up to the rest?" He didn't want to think about the fact that she had past lovers and that he was not her first time. He was overcome with jealously at the thought that others had loved her, had run their hands over her skin, over what was his.

"No I didn't say that. It was quite good actually. Relax Captain. Wow Steve jealously and possessiveness are not traits I would have pegged you to have."

"Oh I hold them alright. Especially in regards to the women I love." She turned to him and ran a hand along his jaw line and his face softened.

"Relax Steve you are the only man to really hold my heart, and you are the only man I really want to hold my heart ever again. I love you and only you. I have eyes for you and only you." She leaned in and kissed him softly. "So when are you going to take me home solider?"

"As soon as I find enough strength to release you and ask you to get dressed."

"Mm, I would like nothing more than to stay in bed with you all day, we both know this is not the best of places."

"You are right." And with that she was walking away with the sheet around her towards the bathroom. She emerged several minutes later fully clothed much to the Captain's chagrin. He was also dressed minus his shirt, which he was about to pull on. She stared at him and she felt like he had more muscle than a year ago, however possible that was.

"Like what you see Nat?" Oh he was playing dirty.

"Mm, adore it."

"Well I liked what I saw last night, what I intend to see tonight."

"Don't be so presumptuous Captain."

"Why not? The woman I love is a real sight for my sore eyes."

"Captain America trying to get into a girls pants never thought that I would see the day." He pulled her roughly towards him, possessively, and he kissed her hard.

"Steve lets go come on."


	7. Patterns of Life

**Hey Guys, so direct continuation. I'll try to update Asap. Please R &R I'd Love to hear what you have to say, even if its negative.**

* * *

Steve led the way to his truck, and took her hand and helped her into the truck. They pulled over by Nat's bike and loaded that into the back of the truck. He trusted her and let her get situated. He started driving home and it was a long trek from the town to his house, but to him it was worth every second.

"Welcome to my estate Natasha."

"Wow Steve this is…incredible. Its all yours?"

"Yes all ten acres."

"When did you get this place?"

"About two months ago."

"Right after the phone call?"

"Yes about then." Natasha started laughing. "What?"

"Nothing, it just means that you did sort of come home to me."

"Yes Ms. Romanoff, you have that pull on me."

"Good to know Mr. Rogers."

"Here let me take you around the property."

"So back here for about an acre is wheat, I will harvest it soon and sell it at the market." Steve said as the walked near the wheat plot. Then he turned towards the garden and apple trees.

"Here is a garden I built and there are apple trees throughout on the acre."

"This is all so beautiful Steve."

"Well that's not all of it. The rest of the 7 acres are undeveloped woods fenced off at the edge of the property. There are some walking trails but I usually don't use them."

"This is all amazing Steve, I can't even imagine how much work you put into this, but its all so beautiful and its so serene." Steve wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. He rested his chin on her shoulder.

"Mmh. It's not as beautiful as the women in my arms. I don't know what about her is so enticing and makes me go weak." She turned in his arms and leaned up to kiss him. She took his hand and placed it on her cheek. She placed her on his cheek. It was an intimate moment where nothing mattered but them. "Come the last acre is the house and barn/shed. I've redone and expanded the house. Its done now, and all that's really left it is making the house a home."

"Steve, what you've done here is amazing and I truly love it. What do you plan to do now?"

"I haven't thought about it yet, I've been very distracted this past day, if you know what I mean." She playfully swatted his arm and then Steve led her inside. Taking off their shoes as they entered, Steve showed her around the three level house and basement. There was the standard stuff, den, kitchen, dinning table, family room, sunroom, and porch. Upstairs were 10 different bed rooms, a master room which was his and then others not really decorated or anything.

On the third floor were a storage room, an art studio and a few office spaces. There was one other room but he didn't want to go in there just yet. He took me down to the basement, where there was a theater like area set up, a gym on the other half. And then a smaller locked off area, which we went into. His older uniforms where there and then there was the most recent one. He took me to the garage with his truck and bike.

"Steve its all so beautiful, but what are you going to do with all of the space by yourself?"

"I really don't know just yet. I have been more focused on just building and it was so relaxing that I wasn't quite concerned with what I was building."

"Oh I see. Steve?"

"Yeah Nat."

"What was that last room upstairs?"

"I wanted to save it for last, I'll take you there now."

"Okay." Steve led them upstairs through the elevator. He asked me to close my eyes and then walked me inside.

"There now open your eyes." I gasped as I did so.

"Steve oh my god, this is all so amazing. I…why?"

"Why what?"

"Why make this, this amazing ballet studio?"

"Well, I sort of was uh…" he was scratching the back of his neck with a sheepish grin again, which just reminded me again why I love him so much. "I made it as a memento, to uh you. I never knew if you would ever see it, but I made it as a way to acknowledge you."

"Steve, how did you know?"

"Well between our time together and your file and Barton I figured it out."

"Steve this is all so romantic."

"I love you Natasha, and I would love it more if you preformed for me sometime."

"Steve, for you anything." And with that she leaned over and kissed him again. Slowly the kiss turned into a need for more. He picked her up and took her to his bedroom and proved to her again that she was the woman he loved with his whole heart and nothing less. They were laying there several our later when she finally broke the silence.

"Steve I have to go back."

"Why? I thought you were off."

"I am but I don't have clothes, I have to go back."

"Fine, I'll make food and you take your bike and go get clothes for the week."

"I should be back within an hour and a half." Natasha proceeded to go get dressed and then Steve put his pants on and escorted to her bike.

"Be safe."

"I always am." She kissed him again and then she was off like the wind. While she was gone Steve got to work making dinner. As he finished the final steps before putting the meal into the oven, he heard her bike pull up. She came inside with her bags and kissed Steve. He gave her a nod and she went up stairs to shower and change. As she finished she could smell the dinner all the way up here.

She came down stairs in sweats and a tee shirt, his sweats and tee shirt to be precise. They sat there in a comfortable silence eating and sipping wine. It was like drinking flavored water to both of them, but it completed the moment. The moved off the table and took the wine to the living room watching the flames of the fireplace dance in the darkness.

The intimate moment came to a close as the flames died out, Steve took Natasha to bed and then came back down stairs to clean up. He moved the small coffee table back. Spread the ashes to make sure nothing could spark. Then he went to the Kitchen to start cleaning up everything. He put away the extra food and then stacked the pans and plates in the sink. He wiped the surfaces down and then was about to finish by washing the dishes when he heard:

"You know that can wait till tomorrow right?" He half laughed at this.

"Yeah but why wait when it could be done now. Plus it gives me time to reminisce."

"Reminisce in the morning, it's not proper to leave a lady alone in bed solider."

"That you are right about." Steve said as he encased her in his arms. He leaned down to place a small feather-like kiss on her supple lips.

"Come to bed." She murmured against his lips.

"You are a compelling reason to."

"Then listen to reason." He took her upstairs again and this time he closed his door and crawled into bed right next to her. They shared a few kisses before drifting off into a blissful sleep.

"Morning handsome."

"Morning beauty."

"Steve stop it you are killing me with lies of my beauty."

"моя принцесса, я ничего сказать не ложь."* My princess, nothing I say is a lie*

"когда же вы научитесь говорить по-русски Стива?"** When did you learn to speak Russian Steve?**

"World war two, and I learned a lot of other languages along the way."

"How come you never said anything?"

"Ehh, never came up and this morning it just slipped when I saw you there."

"Это приятно слышать от вас."*** It's pleasing to hear from you***

"Наш собственный способ говорить."**** Our own private way to talk.****

"да."***** Yes.*****

"Breakfast?"

"Yes please." Steve slowly left the bed to go quickly shower and get ready for the day, as he left to make breakfast, Natasha went into the bathroom to get ready.

"Steve?"

"Yeah Nat?"

"How much longer is it going to take?" She asked with a whining tone.

"Just need to set the table and it will be ready."

"Fine but hurry up."

"There we go." Steve said as he took the blindfold off of Natasha. He made her favorite: Pancakes with chocolate chips and strawberries. After they finished eating Steve cleaned up the kitchen and put the dishes in the dishwasher. He turned it on and went to sit with Nat on the sofa.

"So what are going to do today?"

"Well I have some work on the farm to do, if you want to help?"

"I would love to." Nat changed into a plaid shirt and jeans with hiking boots, matching the Captain's outfit.

"Have I told you how sexy you look all the time, especially when you're not trying."

"Stop lying its unbecoming of you Steve."

"Right, I can't lie so…that means what I said is true."

"Ugh, I hate it when you are right." He leaned in and kissed her.

They headed out to the farm and did work, weeding and planting and harvesting what was ready. They went back inside for a quick lunch before going to shower and change for the day. They were both exhausted but in a good way. As night fell, and they snuggled into each other's embrace Steve whispered something that caught Nat off guard.

"Night my beautiful girlfriend." It took her time to process what he was saying but finally she hugged him tighter.

"Night boyfriend." Nat wasn't scarred by what she was saying. She loved him and this was one way of showing that. They spent the rest of the week with each other's company to keep them occupied. They shared secrets and desires. They when Sunday evening rolled around a melancholy feeling surrounded them.

"Do you have to leave tonight?"

"Yes otherwise I have to leave at 5 in the morning to make it to training on time. You know how long the drive is." It was half true the drive was an hour and a half from his house and then she would need to change and get ready again.

"I guess you are right. Call me when you get there?"

"Always."

"I love you."

"Love you too Steve." They kissed goodbye and then she was gone on her bike.

* * *

Nat returned Saturday evening after the dinner session was over at the Avengers facility. He greeted her and took her back upstairs and held her all night long. And it continued like this for months. She would come every Saturday and leave on Sundays. She would spend off time after missions here with him. He would tend to her wounds and patch her up after long missions, always asking 'why didn't you call me in.' She would help make his house more of a home by furnishing it. It definitely had a women's touch. It was a comfortable pattern of predictability and even though the spy in her wanted to say no, the human side of her, the side of her that loved Steve Rogers, liked the pattern and relished in it. It was peaceful and he always showered her in love and she always reciprocated that love.


	8. I Want to Come Home

**Hey Guys, so direct continuation. I'll try to update Asap. Please R &R I'd Love to hear what you have to say, even if its negative.**

* * *

One Morning: "Steve?" after no answer she opened her eyes to find an empty bed. Steve always woke up with her. She was always safe in his arms, and it was comforting. Today after a week of hard work and training she was finally happy to be back with Steve. She looked around for him, and then she realized the bed was cold. After a night like last night she was surprised to find him already gone at nine in the morning. She fell back into the pristine sheets pulling them up to her shoulders. She loved the feeling of being in his arms, and in his bed. She ran a hand over her face and through her hair again before she heard the door creek slightly. She pulled her gun and turned around.

"Jesus Steve! Don't scare me like that."

"I knew you had a quick trigger finger, but come on I'm your boyfriend Romanoff." He moved his hand down and went to grab her hands. He took the gun and put it on the nightstand table. "Mmh, I think you are losing your touch Romanoff, you didn't hear me pull up or come up stairs, only when I opened the door." He leaned down and kissed her softly. "When you pulled your gun you revealed the greatest treasure in this place." He let his lips travel to her pulse point kissing her softly.

"Steeeve." Natasha gasped. "Stop torturing me. Stop teasing."

"You know I love the fact that I can make you this way, make you beg like this." She playfully slapped his shoulder before running her hand through his hair slightly tugging on it, as he continued to kiss her softly.

"Your hair."

"What?"

"Your hair it's shorter."

"Yeah, so?"

"I like it."

"Good, and I like you in my arms." Their kisses turned heated.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why cut your hair?" He pushed off of her and then she took him in. His face was clean, beard gone, his hair was short and blonde, typical military cut. This was her Steven Grant Rogers in the flesh. It was the first time since he left 18 months ago that she had seen this Steve. She had grown accustomed to his new look, it was charming but her Steve, he looked even more handsome.

"I want to go home Nat. That's why." They were laying down again, facing each other on the pillows.

"We are home Steve."

"No I want to come home."

"Steve?"

"It's time I come home."

"Are you saying what I think you are saying Steve?"

"I am tired of waiting all week for you to come home, I hate seeing you come here all battered up, when I know that it wouldn't be as bad, if I were there with the team. I want to have you every night Nat. This, what we have is more than just a weekly visit to me."

"Steve, what we have is more than that to me as well, but are you sure? I don't want you to give up what you have for me."

"And I wouldn't ask you to leave the Avengers for me, but something's got to give, if we want this to work. And I want this to work more than anything in the world."

"I want this to work too Steve."

"Plus I miss having daily hard work like that."

"So what are you going to do with this place?"

"Well I still own the place, so maybe it will be our retreat?"

"Yeah that sounds nice."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She leaned over and kissed him slowly.

"Great. Well its settled then, we are going home." They stayed like that for a while in each other's arms. Then they finally got up and went around the house settling things, cleaning last minute things. They went around the farm harvesting what was left and then closing the barn and machines. Then they went inside and packed a little stuff up for Steve, including his shield and most recent uniform.

* * *

They took his truck and her bike back home at eight so that it would be dark by the time they arrived at the facility. She drove the last twenty minutes so that no one would see Steve back here until tomorrow. As they pulled into the garage they turned off the car and Steve could feel all the memories washing over him. He pulled up his hoodie and came out of the truck. He grabbed his bags and Nat's one bag. They left a lot at his house but he still needed to bring something back.

"Come lets go to bed Steve."

"Yeah, and how could I deny a dame as beautiful as you, what she wants?"

"That's the point. You can't, now come on." She lead the way to her rooms, even though Steve knew the way, this was apart of the magic of the moment. When they entered her room, he dropped their bags and they went straight to her bedroom and fell into bed together. As the night passed Nat was reminded of why she loves Steve. When they woke up at six in each other's arms Nat and Steve sighed. He was running his hand along her back and she was drawing circles on his chest.

"How is this going to work?"

"What do you mean Nat?"

"This? Us?"

"Are we going to tell people? I mean when you left people made it very clear that it was because of me and what you just show up and now your all grabby and lovey dovey over me?"

"I guess you are right Nat. But let set the record straight, I'm not mad at you; I haven't been for a very long time. I love you and you are all that I have ever wanted."

"I know. So what am I going to pretend to be cold to you for a while, pinning for our lost relationship?"

"Well I know that I will still be my gentlemen self and be nice, then what I'll slowly start letting you back into my life, before we are all squared away and start to act on our feelings."

"I guess this is how it has to be until at night when we can be like this, enjoy each others company?"

"Yeah. I guess." They both sighed. "I should get going so that people don't see us, and that way I can get ready for the day."

"Okay. See you at breakfast. Bye sweetie." They kissed again, knowing that this was going to be one of a few. As Steve grabbed his shirt before heading out, he looked back at what was his girlfriend, and now as he stepped out, his enemy. Steve walked back into his room and put it back into order and started to unpack when he heard soft footsteps by his door. He heard the safety click when the person saw him.

"Steve you're back."

"Yeah I got in just a little while ago."

"How have you been Steve?"

"Good, I'm ready to get back into the field. Sam I'm sorry that I left like that, I hope you know that I didn't mean you any harm."

"I know man. Lets get you back down stairs to breakfast. Let me catch you up on a few things also."

"Yeah like what?"

"Well for starters after you left Natasha, well she kind of became a shell of herself, she didn't take it well Steve. Bruce and her, they broke up, and he left again, her doing. She was pretty lost for a while. We went on missions and everything was fine but she wasn't herself and our team was okay but not the same. About six months ago though things changed, Natasha she started to liven up again. After a mission she disappeared for the week, we were all off so it didn't really matter though. She came back and she was almost like her old self. She was happy again and vibrant. Tony did some digging; locals say she meets from time to time with an ex-military officer Grant, and that he takes her home from time to time." Steve could tell Sam was treading carefully.

"Sam its okay, I'm healed its alright if she found someone else." He was laughing so hard inside because he was that person and Nat was his girlfriend.

"Anyway, she's been in a good mood and the team has been alright. Now that you are back well I am really happy man."

"Thanks Sam, and I'm happy to be back." They walked to the dinning hall for breakfast and so many people came to him to give him a handshake or a hug and welcomed him back to the team and facility. Then he saw Nat and it felt like everyone just stopped talking and stared at the two of them, watching, waiting to see what the two agents would do. Steve was polite and said hi, shook her hand and she appeared cracked to the rest of the team. They left the dinning hall and began to train. Things seemed normal and right for the first time in a long time. Things fell back into the comfortable pattern that the team was used to.

* * *

Steve and Nat were both dying to just kiss each other and hold each other. But they had restraint. Steve spent nights in her room and she spent nights in his room. They went back and forth like this for a while. Then they slowly warmed up to each other in the eyes of their co-workers. They went on missions with the team and everyone was happy Steve was back to help fight the enemies, lessen the load for the others. Their banter slowly started to return and the team was happy that everything seemed right with the world.

"Hey solider, you going to leave alone tonight, or are you going to close that case file and join me in bed?"

"Naaaat. Stop teasing me." He walked over to her and then flowered her in kisses. He kissed her pulse point several times.

"Steeeve. Now you are being the tease." They played each other all night long and then she left in the early hours of the morning, before anyone would notice.


	9. Go Out With Me

**Hey Guys, so direct continuation. I'll try to update Asap. Please R &R I'd Love to hear what you have to say, even if its negative.**

* * *

Others realized that they were close again. He had returned six months ago. They had been together for a year now and it was hard for Steve to not just grab her and kiss her at every moment. For their one year anniversary the two parted ways and met up at Steve's house for a quite meal. Tony was at the facility and cornered Nat in one of the work offices that the Avengers use, well more like her and Steve use as team leaders.

"Little Red, how's it going?"

"Stark, don't start with me."

"What I'm just asking how you are." She set down her files and pen.

"I'm fine Tony, why are you asking?"

"Nah, I'm just trying to make friendly conversation."

"Tony really?"

"Okay, okay, listen I'm asking because I've been keeping tabs on your trips to town for Grant. I can see that they are becoming less and less frequent, almost non-existent, and I'm just wondering if it has to do with the return of a certain Avenger."

"Stark be careful of the waters you are treading."

"All I'm saying Red is that, if you still care for him, don't play with his heart, tell him how you feel, let go of this Grant crap, and be with a man that loves you and that you love." Tony turned to leave. "I'm sorry Red…for treating you so bad when he left. I shouldn't have blamed you for him leaving."

"No it was in part my fault Tony…Thank you." Tony walked away from the room feeling good and Nat was dying on the inside. She turned it in early and went to her room to find the good Captain waiting for her. She crawled into bed and Steve wrapped his arms around her. What Tony said hit her, it was a little unnerving, but she had to wrestle with it and make peace with it.

* * *

She loved Steve, with an undying passion, but that doesn't mean that she and he weren't hurt in some way by their mutual actions. Steve could feel that she was tense and really contemplating something.

"What's wrong baby?"

"Nothing honey."

"I know when you are telling half truths. Come on, open up to me, what's going on?"

"I…I just I…"

"What happened, did I upset you Nat. Look I'm sorry, I'm just really new to all of this relationship stuff, I really am sorry if I did something wrong."

"No its not you. You have been the best boyfriend I or any girl could have or ever could ask for."

"Then what happened Nat?"

"I just…Tony he said something to me and well it brought back some painful memories. I just know that I hurt you, and that's why you left, and I want you to know that you hurt me and it took us time, and a lot of talking to get us to where we are and I know how hard I can be but I need you to know that I love you and that you mean the world to me and I don't know if I could live if anything every happened to you, or if you left me again."

"I'm never going to leave you Nat, you are my world. I love you and everything that has happened has brought us to this point, to this moment."

"Thank you for everything Steve, I really love you and I really appreciate that you are always there for me."

"I want to and I need you to know that I love you no matter what, that I am past what happened because the end result is still the same, we love each other and we are happy together."

"Steve, I love you, and I am happy with you, so thank you for everything." As they fell asleep in each other's arms that night, they knew in their hearts and minds that their passion, love, and devotion for each other, to each other was undying and that they had overcome a huge obstacle in their relationship today.

* * *

When they woke up early, they looked at each other and they had an understanding.

"Nat let me ask you out."

"What Steve I think we are way past that, I mean we've been doing this for a year now."

"No, I mean let me ask you out publicly, let the team in on us."

"Steve Rogers you want to ask me out? I don't know I kind of have this boyfriend and he can be very possessive of what's his. I don't think that he would be okay with you asking me out."

"Mmh, I think he could make an exception for me."

"Yeah? You really want to do this?"

"Yes. I really want people to know that you are mine. That I love you and that you love me and that we are together in everything."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you Nat. I better get going now, because we haven't officially started dating."

"Steve we are not telling them everything right. We are going to just start dating right?"

"Yeah why?"

"I am a very private person is all, and I don't think I am just yet ready to spill everything about us."

"Yeah, okay I get it. Hey I'll see you later. I have to plan how to ask a smoking girl out."

"Really? Should I be worried?"

"Nah I have her wrapped around my finger."

"See you later Steve." He kissed her goodbye before walking out the door to his own room to shower and get ready for the day. He ran into Sam at breakfast.

"Hey Steve."

"Hey Sam, how are you?"

"Good and you?"

"Alright. Hey can I ask you for advice?"

"Yeah sure, on what?"

"I think I want to ask Natasha out." Sam almost choked on his food.

"Really? And what makes you want to move in now?"

"Well I have been back about six months now, our relationship is back on track and I don't know, I feel like it's now or never. You know act on those feelings or turn back."

"That's good for you Steve, I'm happy for you and I really hope it will work out."

"Thanks Sam."

"So what exactly do you need help with?"

"Well we are going to be off tomorrow, seeing as its Sunday, so maybe I take her out tomorrow, but how do I ask her?"

"Well I sense that Romanoff is a very private person—No kidding Steve thought—So maybe after dinner today or after breakfast tomorrow morning."

"Okay but how?"

"Maybe a poem or a drawing or something, that's right up your alley."

"Thanks Sam, I'll see you at training in a few." Steve got up and walked to her room. He knocked then entered when no one was looking. He kissed her repeatedly and murmured against her lips something that wasn't shocking but still pleasing to hear.

"Why do we have to do this in secret?"

"I know babe, but think, we are there now, as soon as you ask me out."

"Mmh…We…should…get…going now." There kisses were sweet and short.

"Yeah." Steve left first quickly before others saw, and went right to the training room, Nat showed up about 15 min later. They worked all day and Steve held lingering glances that the whole team started to acknowledge.


	10. Us together forever?

**Authors Note: Hello all so this is that long promised and somehow really delayed chapter that I know you all have been waiting for. I hope you all find it enjoyable. I got an idea from a few other Fanfiction stories, so bear with me when I try the following…anything written in "…." this is something said in Russian. I think it makes thoughts clear and then I don't have to use Google translate only to translate exactly what I am saying to you the reader…so yeah let me know what you think about that…Please R &R. If you want background music when listening to this story you could listen to Never be alone by Shawn Mendes when they get to their night out. **

"Steve would you just stop twiddling your thumbs and just ask her already." Sam asked. Steve's tapping and worried face unnerved him and he just wanted Steve to be semi-engaged in the conversation they were having.

"Huh?"

"Exactly Steve. I was trying to educate you on your entitled benefits as a member of the army that went missing and here you are just spacing out."

"I don't know what to do."

"Well you have been on edge all day since yesterday when you told me you wanted to ask her out in the first place."

"Sam I really am lost here, help me out I know what we said about the art thing but that doesn't seem like it would work and you cant rush art so I need a different idea."

"Okay like I said before she's private so do something small and intimate."

"Okay, ooh I got it."

"Care to enlighten me?"

"How about after we spar. You and the rest of the crew file out after our match anyway and then I ask her."

"Okay, that could work or better yet here she comes with Stark ask her now."

"What?" He looked behind him down the hall and Sam was right, Tony and Natasha were headed this way.

"Hey guys." Tony screamed from one hundred feet away.

"Hey Tony."

"Hey Tony." Steve said after Sam said hello.

"Hey Natasha, listen I think Steve has something to say ask you."

"Sam!" Natasha was looking at him and then Sam pulled Tony away so Steve could talk to Natasha.

"Rogers?" Steve pulled her towards the patio and started to get real nervous. Sure they were out of earshot, Steve started to talk to Natasha.

"Hey how are you?"

"Fine, honey why?"

"Nothing its just that Sam knows that I want to 'ask you out', you know so that we can finally be together according to everyone else."

"Oh okay."

"So how do we do that?"

"Why don't you just 'ask me now' in Russian that way its simple and you can solve the issue."

"Why in Russian?" Natasha stepped closer to Steve.

"Well I like the way Russian sounds on your lips." She whispered to Steve, huskily."

"If I had known that me speaking in Russian turned you on I would have spoke in Russian a lot more."

"Well I didn't know you spoke Russian until recently."

"I was going to surprise you but it slipped the other night after everything we did."

"And that's part of why I love you Steve Rogers. You can never hide anything from me and I have so much control over you."

"Well let's not forget about the control I have over you." She suddenly felt the heat rising and damned her body for reacting to him so quickly without her conscious approval.

"So…" he cleared his throat.

"Natasha, I wanted to know, if well, if you would go out with me tonight?"

"Steve Rogers, I thought you'd never ask." And with that they hugged and he said "Pick you up at eight dress nice." They parted ways and met up after training to shower together and share a few kisses. After the shower Steve was standing in a towel before looking at Natasha in her towel.

"Leave Rogers."

"What why?" he looked at her with those puppy dog eyes.

"Because I have a date to get ready for in an hour. And I need my time."

"Huh, you know we don't actually have to go out."

"Don't you even start? Now go." Steve grabbed a pair of sweat pants and a shirt from his stash of clothes in her closet and went to his room to get ready.

Even though Steve suggested that they stay in, he was really joking with her. He really wanted to make sure she was completely surprised. It was their one-year anniversary. Well they had slept together a little over a year ago, but they didn't start officially dating until a year ago. He had whole dinner and night out planned. He fixed his tux and then went to grab Natasha from her room.

"Natasha?" He said as he knocked. "Natasha?" finally the door opened. He was faced with Natasha Romanoff in a stunning read dress that hugged all the right places. Her green eyes were only further highlighted by the way her crimson red hair framed her face.

"Steve." Steve cleared his throat and looked her up and down again, before speaking.

"Natasha, you look, well amazing would be an understatement."

"Thank you Steve, you clean up nice."

"Natasha are you ready for our 'first date'?"

"Lead the way." Steve lead her to the garage and they took the town car with Happy, tony insisted, into the city. They went to a fancy restaurant, slow danced for a while ate and finally went to central park for a carriage ride. As they were pulled throughout the park they shared a tight embrace. Finally the carriage stopped and Steve helped her out. They walked towards the main road and Happy took them to another building, it looked like apartments from what Natasha could tell, she had never been there before. Steve took her upstairs to the roof and it was lit up with lights and there was a bucket with Champagne and two glasses.

"Steve how did you get this together?"

"I had a little help from some friends. They figured that if I was going to take out the Black Widow I had to do something big and they thought that this was perfect, if only they knew." Steve led her to the bucket and blanket and he popped open the bottle pouring the champagne.

"To one year of us."

"To many more years to come." The glasses clinked and they sipped their drinks. Steve pulled her into a hug and they started swaying to an imaginary beat. A little whiles later.

"I love you Steve Grant Rogers."

"I love you Natalia Alianovna Romanova." Steve pulled away and got down on one knee.

"Natasha Romanoff. We have been through so much together, and that is understating it. When we first meet on the Shield Helicarrier all those years ago I was immediately attracted to you and I thought about how screwed I was, for liking the most deadly and smartest woman on the earth. With everything to do with Bucky I felt like I finally had a partner in life, even if we were just friends. Then with Ultron and all of that pain and suffering I realized that I was in love with you and I wanted you, only you. After all the pain we have caused each other, we finally came together. One year ago you agreed to be my girlfriend, to love me, and now I have one more question for you, one more favor to ask. Natalia Alianovna Romanova will you marry me, even with all of my faults?" He produced a ring from his jacket pocket. It was older but elegant all the same. He looked up at her and she had tears streaming down her face. Steve sat there on one knee waiting expectantly.

"Yes. Yes I'll marry you Steve." He slipped the ring on her finger and rose to his feet. He kissed her softly and she smiled against the kiss. "You jerk you ruined my makeup."

"I think it was worth it."

"Yes it was." He kissed her again and led her down the stairs to a door; he opened the door and took her inside. He took her towards the bedroom.

When Natasha woke up that morning she felt an overwhelming sense of normalness. She was living in a bubble in a way. She loved him and somehow being in his arms this morning made her feel like she like every other young woman on the earth. She wasn't an Avenger, or an Agent of Shield, or the Black Widow that morning, she was just a girl engaged to her boyfriend. She shifted her head from her spot on Steve's head to look up at him. She met his baby blue eyes; they leaned in and shared a soft kiss.

"Good morning."

"Morning." She snuggled further into his grasp, soaking up his warmth. Her eyes drifted to the ring on her finger. It drew her back to the events of last night.

"Its beautiful Steve. Where'd you get it?"

"It was my grandmother's, gave it to my dad when he married my mom. She gave it to me before she passed. She made me promise that I would give to a special girl one day."

"I love it Steve. Thank you."

"Its you I have to thank Natasha, for letting me in, for letting me help you, and for you helping me, and dealing with all of my faults." She began to cry again looking at Steve in admiration. "Natasha? What's wrong honey?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" Steve asked lost.

"That's just it, you are so perfect and you mean everything to me and this moment couldn't be more perfect. So thank you."

"I love you." He kissed the top of her head and then reality sunk in for both of them.

"We have to get back soon don't we?" She asked, still half dazed.

"Yeah we do unfortunately."

"Steve?"

"Mmh."

"Whose apartment is this anyway?"

"Ours why?"

"Nothing I've just never been here before and last night it was all mysterious."

"So future Mrs. Rogers, do you want to shower while I make breakfast?"

"Sure." With that Steve got out of bed pulling on his tux pants and shirt from last night leaving the room for a few minutes only to return with a small duffle bag.

"I packed this hoping you'd say yes."

"Well you hoped right." She grabbed her clothes and left for the bathroom attached to the bedroom. He walked out and started to prepare food. After they ate, he showered quickly and returned to the living room. He handed Natasha a small metal necklace chain.

"For your ring, since we aren't going public just quite yet."

"Thank you." She took her ring off and put it on the chain and handed it to Steve so he could clip it around her neck. She tucked it into her shirt and they walked down stairs bag in tow to meet Happy. They were driven back upstate to the facility. When they arrived in the garage they parted ways to get ready for the day's training.

 **Authors note: For now I intend to put this story on hiatus. No it is not up for adoption right now, and no I do not intend to abandon this story, but I feel like I have brought the story to a good moment and I have not yet decided what I want to do with the characters. If you have suggestions or ideas for future chapters, I will try to incorporate them in an update. (PM me if you are a user or outline it in a comment if you are guest.) I am not opposed too much, and I am open to a sequel.**


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